Holding Parents
Adapting to the significant life change of becoming a father and parent, it can be a multifaceted and challenging experience. It can encompass a wide range of emotions, including joy, excitement, and a sense of eager anticipation. However, it can also involve feelings of apprehension and unease about the unknown aspects of parenthood. Even men who have demonstrated confidence and competence in handling various life situations may find themselves grappling with the uncertainties and responsibilities associated with impending fatherhood.
Preparing for change
We understand that the impending transition to parenthood can evoke a wide range of emotions, including feelings of loss and grief, for soon-to-be fathers/partners. It's important to acknowledge that everyone copes with this change differently. Additionally, family dynamics play a significant role in how both parents approach the arrival of their baby and can add complexity to the situation. Factors such as the potential shift to a single income and the associated financial stress can further impact the experience before and after the baby's arrival.
At the same time, it's essential to recognize that your partner will also be navigating a multitude of emotions that can influence her self-perception and her relationship with you. Changes in her career, body, and clothing size may substantially impact her identity and self-esteem in this period of transition. All of these factors collectively shape the experience of expectant parents as they prepare to welcome their new addition..
Acknowledge your feelings
Expecting fathers should be aware that it is normal to have mixed emotions and experience complex changes during pregnancy. While these emotions are a natural part of the transition to parenthood, they can also be confusing and overwhelming. It's important to be prepared for these changes and to openly discuss feelings with your partner. This can help you navigate the challenges of becoming a new parent.
Even with preparation, some expecting fathers may still experience antenatal anxiety or depression. If the emotional and mental challenges during pregnancy feel particularly difficult, seeking support is crucial. PANDA’s National Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Helpline offers a safe and confidential space for anyone struggling with the challenges of parenthood, including fathers. The helpline's highly trained and caring counselors are available to help expecting fathers work through their challenges by talking openly and honestly about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
It’s important for expecting parents to discuss their roles both inside and outside the home. For instance, a father who desires to be closely involved with his children may find it challenging to work a 50-hour week. Similarly, a mother who finds her work important may feel unhappy without it if she is at home full-time. Open communication about these roles can be essential for maintaining a healthy balance within the family.
PREPARING FOR THE BIRTH
Many expectant fathers find the idea of being present during the birthing process to be quite overwhelming. Despite childbirth being the most natural thing in the world, it's still very different from the everyday experiences most of us encounter.
Thankfully, there are various ways to prepare for this significant event. Most hospitals offer antenatal classes, which are also known as childbirth education or birth and parenting classes. While some of these classes may come with a fee, they provide valuable information and practical skills. Due to high demand, it's advisable to register for these classes early.
Alternatively, if you prefer a less formal setting, there are options available for expecting fathers as well. For example, Beer n Bubs is a one-night session held at pubs across Australia, where expecting dads can learn how to support their partner through the birth of their baby. These sessions offer a relaxed environment for expectant fathers to gain knowledge and guidance on how to provide effective support during the birthing process. There is also Mr. Dad is a one-off antenatal and early parenthood class designed specifically for expectant fathers. This class aims to prepare you to effectively support your partner during labor and birth. Discussing topics such as intimacy, the impact of having a baby on your relationship, postnatal depression, and the financial responsibilities of starting a family. Holding Parents also holds a transition to parenting classes for both parents in preparation into parenthood.
Below are some strategies that may be helpfulfor keeping stress levels down and keeping things in perspective during an overwhelming time.
1. Accept that you can’t fix everything – You can't make everything perfect or find immediate solutions. Difficult situations provide opportunities to learn about your partner, your baby, and yourself as a father. Reflect on past successes for future guidance.
1. Talk to others – Dads may feel overshadowed by the focus on the mother around the time of birth. Talking about your experiences as a dad with friends and coworkers can help you realize that others are also finding fatherhood both rewarding and challenging.
3. Make some time for you – Having a baby will impact your leisure activities, but it's important to maintain some of the things you enjoy. If you have time-consuming hobbies, consider adjusting them to support your partner and family life. While continuing your hobbies is good for your well-being, ensure it's family-friendly through negotiations with your partner.
4. Don’t sweat the small stuff – As parents, it's important to ask ourselves: does it really matter? We can get caught up in trying to do what's best for our children, but sometimes the things causing stress and pressure don't have a significant impact in the long run. It's helpful to keep this in mind and remind ourselves and our partner when we feel pressured.
5. Keep a check on your partner – When a woman has a baby, she faces a higher risk of developing depression and anxiety. Knowing the signs and symptoms is important. If you're worried about your partner, talk to her about how she's feeling and offer your support. Seek help early and be proactive..
6. Be aware of how you are travelling – Research has shown that 1 in 10 men experience some form of anxiety or depression in the first years of their child's life. While the rates of depression and anxiety in new fathers may not be significantly higher compared to other men of the same age, the process of readjustment can lead to increased distress for dads. It's important for fathers to be aware of their feelings, make time for exercise to reduce stress, identify intense situations, and consider ways to reduce stress. These actions can help lower distress and reduce the risk of developing conditions like depression and anxiety.
7. Learn about emotional and mental health conditions – It's important to learn about common mental health conditions during and after pregnancy for both parents. Knowing the signs and seeking help early can speed up recovery.
8. Make time for you both – Remember to make time for each other, even with the demands of a new baby. Find opportunities when the baby is sleeping to have a conversation and connect with your partner. Reflect on how things are going for both of you and discuss ways to support one another.
Seeking Support
It is common for dads to experience challenges when adjusting to parenthood, Dads can also feel unsure about how best to help and support their partner.
Men can find it more difficult to reach out for help and support due to feelings of shame, cultural stigma, and other barriers to receiving mental health support.
Help’s available if you’re having a hard time.
Here are some great links for support:
COPE https://directory.cope.org.au/
PANDA https://panda.org.au/articles/getting-help-support-for-expecting-and-new-dads
SMS4dads is designed specifically for dads and has been created by researchers and health professionals. The free text messages help dads feel more supported and included in their parenting journey
The Gidget Foundation
https://raisingchildren.net.au/pregnancy/pregnancy-for-partners
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